Reality

Happy New Year to all people named Barr (except Roseanne).

In my journey to locate the Fountain of Youth, I tripped over my own feet, fell down and almost broke a hip. An old lady was nearby and she helped me up. She kindly dusted off my pink chenille bathrobe and plucked 3 grey hairs from my head. When my eyeballs stopped spinning and then refocused, I was astounded to see that the old lady was none other than Maxine. She invited me to the local Dairy Queen for a hot cup of coffee laced with a little Geritol. "Peggy" she said "let me tell you how it is, sweetie". Of course I was ready to listen. She proceeded to tell me what I think I already know.

You are getting old if you can answer yes to the following:

Do you find yourself visiting the SSA website more than once a month?

Do you search out news articles concerning any Medicare changes?

Do you look up your meager investment account online once a day, check your balance, yell out "Oh s_ _ t" and then have to wipe the spittle off the monitor?

Do you still think the World Wide Web was invented by Spiderman?

Do your eyes tear up with joy when you watch Shirley Temple reruns, especially when she sings "The Good Ship Lollipop"?

Do you tuck a little hankie in your shirt sleeve so it will be handy at all times?

Are you now convinced that the creaking sound you hear each morning when you get out of bed is not the bed springs, but your bones realigning?

And finally, are you now accepting the fact that the cashiers at the stores are giving you senior citizen discounts because they have 20/20 vision?

Ok, Maxine, I get it. I'm getting old. And yes, I will vote for you if you decide to run for president. Next time we get together I want you to tell me more about your proposed "9-9-yes I'm 99" plan.